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This is the most overlooked form of abuse as it can be subtle and difficult to recognise. Psychological abuse includes derogatory remarks, humiliation, restrictions, control, threats, and intimidation. It doesn’t leave physical marks, but it can be painful and frightening. This type of abuse has a profound effect on the self-esteem and health of those who experience it.
This is the first form of psychological abuse where the abuser imposes their own preferences and views on the victim such as food choices, hobbies, social circles. They make choices for them – choosing their hairstyle, clothing or similar – and they make important decisions without consulting them. Telling the victim what to do and ordering them around are also marks of psychological abuse. The abuser assumes power and prevents the victim from living freely, claiming to know what's good for them and forcing them to comply.
Another form of psychological abuse includes belittling and demeaning comments that are sometimes made by the abuser in front of other people. The abuser may belittle anything: intellectual ability, ideas, feelings, physical appearance, family and friends, personal history, the way the victim raises their children, the way they run their home, cook, and so on.
Examples are phrases like:
• “You can’t do it, you’re not good enough.”
• “You’re crazy, you can’t do it!”
• “You’re crazy, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
• “You’re always whining.”
• “Look at the way you look.”
• “You’re incompetent.”
• “You’re useless.”
The victim’s enthusiasm, good mood and displays of affection may also be criticised. The abuser makes the victim feel worthless, incompetent and useless.
The third form of psychological abuse can take the form of insults, verbal abuse or humiliation: rolling eyes, turning their back, sniggering, spitting, burping, farting and other demeaning actions.
It can also mean constantly interrupting the other person; not listening to or answering them; ignoring them; and/or refusing to speak to them for several days without giving an explanation.
This type of psychological abuse can be identified by phrases like:
• “If you loved me, you wouldn’t go to your meeting."
• “You choose your family over me.”
• "This friendship is a bad influence on you."
• “I don't like you seeing your work colleagues.".
This is a jealous form of psychological abuse and includes the desire to possess the other person. For example, demanding the victim’s constant and exclusive presence; preventing them from sleeping at night; preventing them from seeing their loved ones; forbidding them to go out alone or to certain places; and monitoring their phone calls, text messages, emails and social networks such as Facebook and Instagram, etc.
The control exercised by the abuser can lead to harassment that includes: repeated questioning, accusations, showing up unannounced, or calling constantly to check on the victim's whereabouts.
Making threats is also a form of psychological abuse. The abuser may threaten to do things such as:
• cut off the victim’s access to food,
• attack relatives or children,
• kidnap the children,
• hit or kill their partner,
• commit suicide.
Making threats can also sound like:
• “Shut up or I'll strangle you!”
• “If I see you with that person again, things are going to get ugly."
• “If you go out, you'll be sorry!”
• "Watch out, I'm capable of anything."
• "If you leave, you'll never see your children again."
• "If you leave, I'll kill the dog."
• "If you leave, I'll kill you."
• "If you leave, I'll kill myself."
Intimidating behaviour is another form of psychological abuse. It involves staring, yelling, screaming, or talking in a very low voice or even whispering to frighten the victim. This abuse can include damaging personal belongings, slamming doors, breaking things in the home, driving the car at high speed, banging on walls and doors, mistreating a pet, and other disturbing behaviours. The abuser is showing that they have control over the victim as they display their strength and threaten to do more damage.
