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Am I a witness to intimate partner violence?

Do you know if you’ve been a witness to intimate partner violence?

Ask yourself the following questions:


Do you hear a lot of shouting and crying coming from your neighbours’ home? Does your colleague seem very upset with their partner’s constant phone calls? Do you feel your friend doesn’t treat their partner properly? Does your brother-in-law frighten your sister by breaking things around the house? Does one of your patients come to you with suspicious injuries?


If your answer is yes to any of these questions, then read on.

What should you do if you are confronted with an abusive situation?

It's not easy to know how to react when you witness or suspect abuse in a relationship. It's uncomfortable and it can make you feel helpless. You don’t want to get involved in other people's lives and you are afraid you might not say the right thing. But abuse is destructive and against the law. It is very important to help those affected, help them to speak up. Our website is designed to help you understand the topic and how to deal with it.

Be aware of your own feelings

No one is immune to abuse. Everyone reacts according to their own sensitivities and experiences. Witnessing abuse can trigger a mixture of conflicting emotions: anger, disgust, lack of understanding, powerlessness, guilt, or confusion. Don’t deny or feel guilty about your feelings. Be open to what the abuse triggers in you, emotionally, and try not to doubt, minimise, judge or dramatise the situation. It’s not your place to change anything for the person you're trying to help.

It's more common than you think

One in five women is physically or sexually abused by her partner at some point in her life. Two in five women experience psychological abuse. Intimate partner violence affects both Swiss and foreign women of all ages and from all social backgrounds. Men are also affected.

Don’t turn a blind eye

Initmate partner violene is also fuelled by silence and denial. Are you afraid to bring it up? Are you afraid you’ll say the wrong thing?
Remember your support can make all the difference for both the abuser and the person being abused. Don't hesitate to ask us for advice. All it takes is a word or a timely action to change an abusive situation. It's better to intervene in vain than wait until it's too late.

Get advice on our website

At violencequefaire.ch you can talk about the abuse you are witnessing and anonymously request advice or information from specialists in the field. We will help you support the person you know in the right way.

Listening to and supporting victims of violence

Victims of intimate partner violence are in a difficult and painful situation. They are often frightened, ashamed and feel alone. They may be able to open up and talk about their situation if they feel they will be believed and listened to without judgement.

Creating the right environment

It's not easy for people experiencing abuse to talk about what they're going through – it’s a painful situation. It is important to be approachable and build a relationship of trust so they feel comfortable talking. It’s also important to emphasise that you will keep everything confidential if the victim wishes. Take the time to listen, without their partner present, in a safe place where you won't be disturbed.

Having the courage to ask questions

Breaking the silence around the abusive situation is an important step. You can broach the subject gently by talking about the relationship in general and asking what it's like when the couple argues, or asking if the person has ever felt unsafe at home.

Vague statements such as "I'm having problems at home" are part of a victim's cry for help. These responses should encourage you to ask more questions

Listening with an open mind and with respect

People experiencing intimate partner violence are under a lot of stress and are sometimes even in a state of shock. The victim may appear extremely distressed and behave in surprising ways. Usually, this state of mind is the result of being abused, not the cause. Once the victim begins to open up, it is important to accept their story and emotions as they come, without judgement. The victim may be very emotional or may seem to feel nothing at all. Feelings are complex and even if they may seem contradictory, this is completely normal for situations of domestic abuse.

Victims need to be taken seriously and believed. Denying, minimising or doubting the abuse they have suffered can be very damaging.

Condemning abuse

Abuse is serious. It is against the law. No matter what the reason, abuse is inexcusable. No one deserves to be treated in this way. We must always speak out against any form of abuse, otherwise we are indirectly condoning it. However, condemning acts of abuse does not mean condemning the perpetrator as a whole.

Assigning responsibility

The victim is never responsible for the violence. The abuser is solely responsible for their actions. However, the victim is responsible for taking steps to ensure their own safety and that of their children, if necessary. The abuser is equally responsible for the welfare and safety of their children.

Respecting the victim's free will

Remember that victims of domestic abuse are doing their best to survive in a hostile environment. It is not your place to tell them what to do or to take any action on their behalf. It's important to try and understand them without blaming them, to respect their choices and to reinforce the sense that their lives are their own.

Seeking advice from our specialists

If you have any doubts or questions about the situation you are witnessing, you can get advice from people who specialise in helping victims of domestic abuse right here on the website, anonymously. Don't hesitate to ask questions.

How to meet the needs of a victim of intimate partner violence

It’s important to remember that most people can overcome their difficulties with a little support. Victims of abuse, despite appearances, have the stamina and the resources that they need to survive. You cannot solve their problems for them, but you can help them cope with the abuse and potentially get out of the situation.


A victim of abuse needs…

To feel safe

The priority is to ensure the safety of the victim and their children. If the victim feels they are in danger, it won't be possible to focus on finding solutions.

What can I do?
Send them the emergency plan available on our website [link to this?].
Call the police in case of danger.
Offer or help them find a safe place to stay.

To hear clear messages

Victims tend to minimise the situation, telling themselves it's not that serious. They often make excuses and defend their partner, or even feel responsible for the abuse. They hope that if they change something about themselves, the abuser will stop being violent.

What can I say?
• Abuse is serious, it affects the health and wellbeing of children.
• There is no need to resort to violence.
• The person who is abusing is the only one responsible for their actions; it is up to them to change.
• Abusers need outside help to stop their violent behaviour.

To know their rights

Intimate partner violence is punishable by law. All forms of violence against a partner can be prosecuted, whether physical, sexual or psychological (insults, threats). In the event of abuse, the victim has certain rights, including the right to leave the home and take the children with them. You can find out more in the "What the law says" section.

What can I do?
• Tell them that domestic abuse is against the law.
• Tell them that victims have rights, including the right to leave their home.
• Give them the contact details of the LAVI centre, which will help anyone who has been the victim of a crime, even if they do not have a valid residence permit, or the contact details of a women’s shelter in their area.

To break out of isolation

Victims gradually withdraw from family and friends under pressure from their partner or because they want to hide their situation. People close to them are either embarrassed or afraid of retaliation. They don't know what to do. Isolation is especially dangerous because the loss of external reference points encourages the abusive partner to continue the abuse. The victim feels trapped in the relationship, powerless to change the situation. They feel no one understands them and that they are alone.

What can I do?
• Call them to find out how they're doing and encourage them to talk.
• Make yourself available, offer to see them without their partner being present.
• Tell them that they are not alone and that they can get help - they will be more receptive to your words after an episode of abuse.
• Tell them about the violencequefaire.ch website so that they can talk to specialists anonymously.
• Give them the contact details of support services.
• Encourage them to see family and friends so they feel less isolated.

To go at their own pace

You can inform the victim about alternatives to abuse and discuss their options with them, then it’s necessary to give them time, don’t push them. Victims need to identify their own needs if they are to regain control of their lives. It’s important they can count on someone who respects their choices and their pace.

Sometimes victims go back and forth about leaving their partner, and this can be upsetting, but it is all part of the process.

What can I do?
• Don't tell them to forget about it or to move on.
• Help them identify their needs.
• Remember that you don't know what they need any better than they do.
• Be patient.
• Continue to support them even if they have returned to the abuser.
• Don't think that you have done everything you can and that they will never want to leave the abuser.

To keep evidence

Even if the victim does not intend to report the abuser to the police, they may change their mind in the future. It’s a good idea to keep evidence of the abuse.

What advice can I give?
• Make a detailed record of the acts of abuse, including threats, and date them.
• Ask for a full medical report describing the victim's state of mind and any physical injuries.
• If possible, photograph the effects of the violence such as bruises, wounds, property damage, or bloodstains.
• Keep material evidence such as torn or stained clothing, messages or text messages.

Supporting a victim of abuse

Friends and family have an important role to play in helping victims of abuse break their silence and isolation, but they cannot be expected to do it all.


There is a network of professionals available to support victims. Victims should be encouraged to use these specialist services as they can help them assess their situation and decide how best to protect themselves and their children.

Specialist advice

Specialised organisations - shelters and LAVI centres - help all victims, including those without financial resources or valid residence permits.

These organisations offer legal information, social and psychological support and help in taking any necessary steps. LAVI centres can also provide emergency financial assistance.

Accommodation

Depending on the circumstances, victims and their children can be offered safe emergency accommodation in shelters specialising in domestic violence. Some examples include AVVEC in Geneva, SAVI in Neuchâtel and Solidarité femmes Fribourg, and Malley-Prairie shelter in Lausanne. These centres only accept women who are victims of domestic violence, with or without children. Other social shelters may also accept them, as well as people in other types of crisis situations. Although the way these shelters are run can vary considerably, they all offer time out to allow people to reflect on their situation and find alternatives to the abusive situation that they are in.

Police

In the event of violence, don't hesitate to call the police on 117. As a result of new legislation that came into force in 2004, most cases of domestic abuse are now automatically prosecuted.

If you want to report a case that you know about, it is best to discuss it with the victim first. Remember, professionals are bound by professional secrecy unless the safety of children is at stake. The victim themselves can always file a complaint with the police and report the abuse.

Legal services: LAVI centres, lawyers

LAVI centres can offer a few hours of free legal advice to victims of criminal offences and help any financially disadvantaged woman (Swiss, foreigners or illegal immigrants) to fill in the form requesting free legal assistance. A lawyer can then help the victim to draw up a criminal complaint, an application for measures to protect the marital union, a separation or a divorce. Victims can then be accompanied throughout the legal process.

Healthcare: emergencies, medical treatment

The effects of intimate partner violence on people's general health are increasingly being recognised and treated. The medical network provides care and treatment for victims. Doctors can write a medical report after an episode of abuse (physical, sexual or psychological). It will be easier to have the abuse recognised in legal proceedings if it is certified by someone in the medical field. As a precaution, the medical report may remain in the victim's medical file.

Social services

Regional social services can provide financial or administrative assistance to people in need. Victims may also be able to claim unemployment benefits from their local unemployment office. This is possible even if they have not paid unemployment insurance contributions. The only conditions are that they must be suitable for placement, which means that they must have adequate childcare arrangements in place, and that they are actively looking for work. The regional job centres also prepare people for a new job and can offer additional training.

Child Protection Services

These services aim to protect the interests of children. On behalf of the courts, they can organise custody or visitation rights pending or after a court order.

Couples counselling with a focus on abuse

Some centres offer couples counselling with a focus on abuse. The aim of these sessions is to discuss the different forms of abuse and how to stop them. This requires the commitment of both partners.

Couples therapy and/or mediation

If the abuse has stopped, the partners can consider couples therapy or marriage counselling. However, any new threat or attack should cause the victim to stop the process. Under the influence of fear, the victim would no longer be able to express themselves freely.

If the victim is a foreign national

Please note that some foreign nationals who hold a permit other than a permanent residence permit (C permit) risk losing their right to stay in Switzerland if they separate or get divorced. They should therefore always be referred to a specialised legal aid service to provide them with information and support.

Holding the abuser accountable

Although they do not usually admit it, abusers are solely responsible for their actions. It’s important for them to know this and to be aware of the serious consequences for their partner and, where applicable, their children.

Encourage them to talk

Talking relieves stress and helps people find a solution to the abuse. If the person doesn't want to talk to you, tell them they can post their questions anonymously on this. A domestic abuse specialist will respond within three working days.

Listen without condoning

The abuser has a real and painful sense of guilt. If they are unable to break the spiral of abuse, their self-esteem will also be affected. It is important for the person to be able to express this suffering, although this in no way excuses the abuse.

• Tell them that abuse is not about losing control, but about taking control.
• Show them that there are other ways to express their anger or frustration.
• Don't let them use their pain to justify or excuse the abuse.
• Tell them that their partner needs to be able to live with dignity and deserves consideration and respect.

Violence is never the way

Speak firmly and clearly about abuse. The abuser needs to understand that resorting to violence is never justified, and that it does not solve any problems.

• Even if they don't admit to the abuse, condemn all acts of violence.
• Tell them there is no excuse for using violence.
• Remind them that in other situations they know how to resolve conflict without resorting to violence.
• Tell them that abuse is harmful to their children's future, even if they are not directly involved.

Stay close

When confronted with abuse, people feel uncomfortable and powerless and tend to withdraw. But the more isolated the abuser becomes, the more likely they are to become entrenched in the violence and abuse at home.

• Call them, check on them
• Suggest spending some time together, away from the home
• Let them know you are there for them

Abuse has serious consequences

Even if no physical harm is done, abuse in a relationship leaves partners and children feeling vulnerable and in pain. Each member of the family usually needs outside help.
With each act of abuse, the abuser distances themselves from their loved ones and from themselves. They need to understand the seriousness and consequences of their actions.

What can I do?

• Tell the abuser about the distress the abuse is causing both themselves and their loved ones.
• Encourage them to get help to stop abusing their partner.
• Give them contact details of organisations that can help them stop the abuse.

Helping the abuser get help

The abusive person can get help to stop their behaviour. There are specialist organisations that teach people how to recognise and deal with anger before it escalates into abuse. It takes courage to ask for help, but taking this step can bring relief and a noticeable change. It is important to encourage the abuser to seek help.

Stopping the abuse

Stopping the spiral of abuse is the primary aim of specialised organisations that help abusers. Priority is given to keeping victims safe and stopping physical abuse.
However, other forms of abuse are also addressed: psychological, economic and sexual.
The skills developed by these organisations make it possible to reduce the tension in conflicts and find an alternative to violence. Their aim is also to develop an equitable vision of relationships between partners. Particular attention is paid to the parent-child relationship.

No longer alone

Specialised centres help perpetrators of abuse to see that they are not alone in their problems. Group work, in particular, allows them to benefit from the experience of others who have already found new ways of doing things. Hearing others’ stories shows them that they can find a way out of the abusive situation.

The sooner the better

Unfortunately, abusers often seek help at the last minute.

Many make up their minds only when they really have no other choice: their partner has decided to leave, has started separation proceedings or has decided to file a complaint.

Sometimes it's the risk of no longer seeing their children that drives them to make the decision.

Couples therapy and/or mediation

Organisations that support abusers do not offer couples therapy or marriage counselling. In order to engage in this type of therapy, the abuser must first have stopped resorting to violence. Any new threats or aggression make the process defunct.

If the victim feels afraid, they would no longer be able to speak freely and openly.

Couples counselling with a focus on abuse

Some organisations offer couples counselling focused on stopping the abuse. The aim of these sessions is to talk about the different forms of abuse and how to put an end to them. This requires the commitment of both partners.

Useful documentation for professionals

For professionals in all sectors

- Dépistage, soutien et orientation des personnes victimes:
Protocole d'intervention "DOTIP" (édition vaudoise, 2017)
- Dépistage, soutien et orientation des personnes victimes:
Protocole d'intervention "DOTIP" (édition fribourgeoise, 2018)
- Dépistage, soutien et orientation des personnes victimes:
Protocole d'intervention "DOTIP" (édition jurassienne, 2007)

For healthcare professionals

- Dépistage, soutien et orientation des personnes victimes:
- Protocole d'intervention "DOTIP" (édition jurassienne, 2004)
- Exemple de constat de coups et blessures
Gillioz, L., et al., Voir et Agir. Responsabilité des professionnel·le·s de la santé en matière de violence à l'égard des femmes. Médecine et Hygiène, 2003, Genève.

For use by companies

Répondre aux violences faites aux femmes – Guide pour les entreprises (Fondation FACE, 2016)
http://www.fondationface.org/wp-content/uploads/Guide_A5_Face_FR.pdf