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People aged 65 and over can also experience violence in their relationship.
Violence can take different forms:
However, seniors still rarely ask for help.
Violence in senior couples therefore often remains hidden and little known.
Isolation can make the situation even more difficult.
Support services are also not always adapted to the needs of seniors.
In Switzerland, over the past 10 years, 20% of femicide victims were of retirement age.
That is 1 in 5 victims.
People of retirement age are the most affected group.
In 2 out of 3 cases, the person responsible was someone close to the victim, such as a partner or former partner.
It is not always easy to know where to ask for help.
Some seniors do not know much about the support services that exist.
Others have difficulty accessing them.
For example, a person may:
There are also still few prevention campaigns aimed at seniors.
Some people with a migration background may face additional difficulties.
For example, they may:
Some support services are also not sufficiently accessible to seniors.
For example, some emergency accommodation requires people to be able to live independently.
Some consultations also require people to travel to a specific location.
This can be difficult for someone who has mobility problems or needs help with everyday activities.
A study by the national competence centre Vieillesse sans Violence (Ageing without Violence) shows that it is important to better understand these difficulties.
This helps professionals and people close to seniors better recognise violence and provide better support.
Some behaviours by your partner may:
If you experience this, you have the right to ask yourself questions and talk about it.
You can also ask for help if you are worried about your own behaviour towards your partner.
You can also ask for help if you are worried about a senior you know.
You may think that the word “violence” is too strong to describe your situation.
Especially if there is no physical violence.
But violence does not always leave marks on the body.
For example, these behaviours can also be forms of violence:
For a long time, people mainly talked about physical violence.
Other forms of violence can therefore be more difficult to recognise.
Some ideas learned from family or society can also make people believe that certain violent behaviours are normal.
But violence is never normal.
Some people grew up with the idea that:
These ideas can make it more difficult to recognise violence and talk about it.
A person may also be afraid of what other people will think.
They may be afraid of betraying their partner or their family.
Some people were taught that a married person must agree to have sexual relations with their husband or wife.
This is sometimes called “marital duty”.
This idea can make people believe that forced sexual relations are normal.
They are not.
Being married or being in a relationship never means automatically agreeing to sexual relations.
Consent is always necessary.
This means that the person must agree.
Consent is necessary at every age, no matter how long the relationship has lasted.
As people get older, they may have fewer social contacts.
This can happen because of:
A person may then become more and more isolated.
In some situations of violence, a partner may also deliberately try to isolate the person.
For example, the partner may:
This can be a form of coercive control.
Coercive control is a set of behaviours used to control a person and reduce their freedom.
Isolation can make it even more difficult to ask for help or leave home.
This is why staying connected with other people is very important.
Sometimes, violence has continued for many years or even several decades.
After such a long time, talking about what is happening can be very difficult.
Some people feel ashamed.
Others feel guilty.
They may be afraid that their family, friends or neighbours will find out about the situation.
In a small community, for example, it may be more difficult to remain anonymous.
Some people may also think:
“My marriage has failed.”
or:
“Why did I stay for so long?”
The person using violence may also regularly put down, insult or frighten their partner.
Over time, the victim may:
Feeling shame or guilt is common when experiencing violence.
But the person using violence is always responsible for the violence.
As people get older, some become more dependent on their partner.
This dependence may involve money.
It may also involve care and everyday activities.
For example, a person may need their partner to:
This dependence can make it more difficult to ask for help or move away from a violent relationship.
The person using violence may also take advantage of this dependence to increase their control.
Some women worked for fewer years or worked part-time to take care of children and the home.
Women have also often earned less money than men during their working lives.
When they retire, they may therefore have a lower pension.
This can increase their financial dependence on their partner.
It can also increase the risk of certain forms of economic violence.
Asking for help does not mean that you have to leave your home or your partner immediately.
You can start by simply talking about your situation.
You can look for information.
You can think about the different options.
You can move forward at your own pace.
After many years in a relationship, some people think:
“It is too late to leave.”
or:
“At my age, it is no longer worth it.”
Other people are afraid they will not have the strength to deal with administrative or legal procedures.
Some people are also afraid:
These concerns can make asking for help very difficult.
But you can ask for help without having already decided to leave.
Family members, friends, neighbours and other trusted people can play an important role.
They can help recognise a situation of violence.
They can also support the person in looking for solutions and asking for help.
Some behaviours may be warning signs.
For example:
These signs do not always mean that violence is happening.
But they may give you a reason to start a conversation.
Sometimes, it is important to have the courage to ask questions.
For example, you can ask:
“How are things in your relationship?”
“What happens when you and your partner argue?”
“Have you ever felt in danger?”
A person experiencing violence may feel afraid, ashamed or alone.
It is therefore important to listen without judging them.
It is also important to respect their pace.
Avoid saying:
“You have to leave your partner.”
Do not make them feel guilty if they do not want to leave.
You can tell them that violent behaviour is not acceptable, while continuing to be there for them.
Listening and offering support can make a big difference.
Supporting someone who is experiencing violence can be difficult.
You do not have to deal with the situation alone.
You can also ask professionals for advice.
You can talk about the situation confidentially and look for the best ways to support the person.
Are you experiencing violence?
Do you have questions about your own behaviour?
Are you worried about a senior you know?
You can ask for help.
On violencequefaire.ch, you can find support services adapted to seniors.
Support services for seniors: HERE
You do not need to be sure that what you are experiencing is violence before asking for help.
