En cas d’urgence: Police: 117 | Ambulance: 144
Hello,
I have experienced a very aggressive behaviour from my husband and don't know what to do. We do have in general often misunderstandings, also a lot of stressful situations at home (2 kids, one school age, one toddler ,and a pet who requires special health care). We are both in the overwhelmed and tired situations, which cause more aggressive behaviour towards me from him.
Today first time during the argument he did throw a plastic children dish on me, which broke and hurt my leg. I even get stretches and a little wound (not open, without blood but still hurts). He then didn't not apologise properly, by saying he just didn't want to hit me it was by accident. He was still blaming me and calling me "manipulative bitch" and that I was searching for that with my attitude (fair to say,I didn't not call him or insult him, but I was sarcasticly laughing during our argument because the topic for me was too much. He wasn't happy with my reaction to his request to go out with his friend the coming weekend late at evening. When I clearly said, maybe not late at least, because it is difficult for me at night.).he still was angry with me because I said to my older daughter to be careful now and not come close to him. He get hurt and angry that I involve kids, even though he did it when they were nearby .
He is in general nice person, and never hit me. And when we are not in the conflict, he tries always to help me with the household, support as he can etc. He did throw things also before when he was getting uncontrolled angry, or was hitting the wall, or was insulting me in the previous big conflicts. It just never hit me till today. I am afraid to stay with him in the house and i feel unsafe.
At the same time, it is difficult to do everything on my own. My mother in law usually also helps a lot , but she is away now. I don't know how to proceed and what to do in this situation at all.
Hello,
We sincerely thank you for trusting us with your story. Your message reflects an extremely difficult situation, in which you show great clarity despite your exhaustion, the stress of caring for young children, and the insecurity you have felt since the incident with your partner. If you are writing to VIOLENCE QUE FAIRE today, it is because your situation is causing you sufficient concern. You are seeking support in order to regain a sense of security.
The courage you have shown in sharing part of your experience prompts us to ask you a few questions for reflection:
The fact that your husband threw an object that injured you, even if he says it was not intentional, constitutes a form of physical violence. This is in addition to psychological violence in the form of demeaning words and threatening behaviour, which can create an atmosphere of fear and tension. You have the right to feel safe. You also have the right to seek to protect your children while trying to understand what is happening to you.
No one deserves to be treated aggressively, either physically or verbally, under any circumstances.
You have the right to express your needs, your limits, your feelings – even if the other person does not understand or rejects them. Respect in a relationship, even in times of stress, remains fundamental. We understand how difficult it can be to consider staying alone or making decisions in such a context.
It is very common for abusiv situation to alternate with calmer or more affectionate moments. This is called the cycle of abuse, which contributes to confusion. Just because a person is kind at times does not mean that they cannot behave dangerously at other times.
Our association is based in French-speaking Switzerland, and unfortunately, the canton of Zurich is not part of our area of operation. However, we sincerely hope that you will be able to obtain the support you need.
We strongly encourage you to contact the LAVI Centre in Zurich. This centre offers free and confidential support for people who have experienced physical, psychological or sexual violence. They can listen to you, inform you of your rights, help you assess your safety, and support you in taking action if you wish to do so. You can find their contact details here, or you can reach them directly by telephone on 044 299 40 50.
Even if you do not yet know what you want to do, you have the right to seek information, talk to someone, and take time to think. Becoming aware of a risk and asking yourself questions about safety and boundaries is already a very important step.
Please know that you are not alone. There are professionals trained to support you in this type of situation with listening, respect and kindness. Our thoughts are with you.
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