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I recently got divorced after 2 years of separation. My ex was the one wanted to, since he said i did not contribute to the retirement (stay at home mom). He had psychologically abused me for many years since i had kids. Just got worse with the time. Sometime he said i should wake up at 5 am and deliver newspaper or work somewhere to clean. At his company event he dictated how i should introduce myself, to the point i should lie about where i am from. He belittled me infront of my kids. He said i am the one who didnt reach anything. My oldest son end up disrespects me, although i am the one who supported their educations. I have an MBA before i have kids. I met him while studying abroad, then moved to Switzerland to get married. I supported his career & moved abroad for many years for his career, when my youngest son was still a baby. He has a very well paid job. Now after divorce, he keeps making things difficult. This month he has not pay my alimony. I still live in our house with my sons (20 & 22), but have to move out alone by the end of the year. He requested me to clean the house & do a handover like in "Mietvertrag". He put this request in divorce decree. My lawyer agreed with me that this is anyway not valid, since my kids will stay in the house. I will only move out with my belongings. I am so stressed with this situation. I haven't find an apartment yet, but he kept sending different emails threatening me about the validity of the agreement. He usually cut the alimony for every little things. He might now hold the payment & charged me for cleaning fee. Where can i get advice & help. I haven't get a job yet. I am 51, had frozen shoulders. Started about 3 years ago on my right shoulder, and now on my left. I also have different health issues recently. My home doctor sent me to cardiologist recently, because my heart beat & blood pressure is inconsistent. I still have to do follow up check early next year. I normally seldom go to doctor. It probably the stress that i keep to myself. I am a positive person, and do my best to appear so. But lately i often feel emotional.
Hello,
You have endured psychological abuse from your ex-husband for several years. Today, despite the divorce, the violence seems to continue and is even affecting your health. Despite this difficult situation, you found the courage to write to us for advice and support.
We thank you for your trust and for sharing your concerns. We are here to support you. The mission of our association is to provide information on the dynamics of domestic violence and to guide individuals toward services that may be helpful to them.
Being belittled on a daily basis and having someone dictate how you should behave or dress are indeed forms of psychological abuse. Although less visible than other forms of violence, they can have a significant impact on both mental and physical health. As you have rightly noticed, the health problems you are experiencing may be influenced by the violence you have been subjected to.
We would also like to draw your attention to the way your ex-husband is handling alimony. The fact that he is not paying it properly, leaving you in a financially precarious situation, is considered a form of domestic violence known as economic abuse. He has a legal duty to provide this financial support, and failing to do so is a way of exerting control over you.
It appears that you are already receiving legal assistance, but we wonder whether you also have psychological support to help you cope with this situation. If you feel it would be helpful, you may benefit from contacting a victim support center. In the canton of Zurich, Opferberatung offers free and confidential legal, psychological, and practical support. Reaching out to them does not commit you to anything, but it may give you additional options to strengthen your safety and well-being. You can find their contact details by clicking here.
We hope that our response will be helpful to you and provide additional ways to protect yourself. We remain at your disposal and would be happy to answer any other questions you may have regarding domestic violence. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you wish to keep us informed or need further support.
We send you our warmest thoughts.
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