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I have been married for 8 years, and my son is now almost 6 years old. Throughout our marriage, I was never given the opportunity or time to learn the local language, as I spent almost all of my time taking care of my child. My ex-husband went to work, but I was never informed of his real income. I did not have my own personal bank account. When household expenses needed to be paid, he would give me his card and then take it back afterward. Two years ago, I suffered from severe mental exhaustion due to his emotional neglect and indifference. I tried to negotiate with him, I begged him for attention and support, even for the smallest things such as helping with housework or taking care of our child after work. However, his response was always cold and dismissive, often just saying “yes” without any real action. He frequently stayed out late after work. At that time, my son was often sick for months due to starting school in a new environment with increased exposure to others, yet he still showed no concern for either me or our child. As a result, I had to be taken to the emergency room because of mental collapse and was diagnosed with vestibular disorder. However, just one week later, he still went on a trip abroad with his friends, leaving me alone with our child. I had no support from family or friends, as I was completely alone here. After all my efforts for the sake of my child failed, I decided to file for divorce in order to free myself and also protect my son — a child who has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, selective mutism, and anxiety disorder. I believe that his presence often causes fear, tension, and psychological pressure for both me and my child. He once threatened me, saying: “If you take this divorce to a lawyer or to court, don’t think you will get what you want. They will only look at who earns the money and who is financially stable to raise the child. You may lose your residence permit, be forced to return to your country, and lose your child forever. The best option is to follow my proposal: take about CHF 40,000, and each year I will allow the child to visit you. You should give up the idea of hiring a lawyer because you don’t earn any money, and legal fees cost tens of thousands of Swiss francs.” But as a mother, no one in this world could possibly accept such a condition. After a long period of being pressured in this way, solely for the sake of my child — who is my entire life — I finally decided to consult a lawyer just for advice. Fortunately, things were not as he claimed. I was supported by a kind lawyer who provided me with free legal assistance, and all related costs were also waived. From the moment I sought legal help, the nightmare became even more apparent — not only for me, but also for my innocent child. Since then, there were times when he provided insufficient money for our child’s basic needs; at times he even withdrew money from the child’s living expenses for his own personal use. He also caused me to accumulate health insurance debt and enforcement proceedings (poursuites), among many other issues. There are still many things I could mention, but I will summarize it this way for now. At present, he and I are still living under the same roof while waiting for the provisional court decision (MPCU). My lawyer has already filed the request, but the court hearing date has not yet been scheduled.
Hello,
You have been through some very difficult years, during which you have had to care for a child who requires a great deal of attention, while also dealing with a husband who is rarely present and offers little support. Despite these challenges, you found the strength and courage to stand up for yourself by consulting a lawyer to understand your rights and the steps you can take to protect yourself and your children. While awaiting the court’s decision, you have reached out to us for support, aware that you seem to be facing financial pressure from your husband.
Thank you for your message and for the trust you have placed in us by sharing part of your story. Our association is here to support you. Our mission is to provide information on the different forms of domestic violence and how they can manifest. We can also provide you with addresses and resources that may be helpful to you.
Based on what you have shared, it appears that a form of domestic violence related to financial control may be present in your relationship. Providing only the bare minimum to live on, or even less than what is required to meet your basic needs and those of your child, is considered economic abuse. This form of abuse is still not widely recognized or discussed, yet it can have a impact on both you and your child. Not having enough money to meet your needs is extremely stressful, and it is your husband’s responsibility to contribute adequately to your support.
Another important point to emphasize is that even if you are not a Swiss citizen and hold a residence permit, you still have rights. In situations of domestic violence, it is unfortunately common for the Swiss partner to lie about these rights and attempt to instill fear by suggesting that the permit could be revoked. You were absolutely right to consult a lawyer and not believe your husband’s threats or claims.
It appears that you have support for the legal procedures. However, we wonder whether you also have psychological support to help you cope with the violence you are experiencing. If you wish, we can give you the contact information of a service that may be helpful to you.
In the canton of Vaud, there is the Malleyprairie center, which specializes in domestic violence and offers several services: individual counseling, support groups, and emergency accommodation if needed. The center’s services are free and confidential. You also have the option of requesting an interpreter to facilitate communication with the counselor who will be assisting you. This service is also free of charge. You can find the center’s contact details by clicking here.
We hope that our response has been helpful and has given you new ideas on how to protect yourself and your child. We remain at your disposal: we can answer any further questions you may have or check in with you if you wish. We send you our warmest thoughts.
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